Christmas Wish
by Evanescent Darkness
Summary: Otto tells all about his lost mother.


Christmas Wish  
  
Part of Christmas is about making wishes, right? Well, there is one wish I will never quit wishing. I know it seems senseless to keep wishing something that you know very well isn't going to come true, but I can't help but doing so. If I don't, I'll feel guilty.  
See, eleven years ago, at Christmas, there was something missing; my mom wasn't there to celebrate the holiday with us. I was two, and she passed away a few days after Thanksgiving. We had known she'd been.sick, but we didn't know it would come on to her so fast.  
Since I was only little, I didn't understand the concept of mom's fatality. I had noticed for the past few months she'd been acting funny, but I figured it was just a cold, since that's what she told me, and it would go away in a few days. Those few days never came.  
We had just got over Thanksgiving, and she had appeared to be getting better, but was actually getting worse. She was sleeping more, and taking more pills. She never ate much, and the little bit she did eat, she lost it on her frequent trips to the bathroom. Her skin tone was paler, and her eyes had turned a cold gray.  
The conversation at the dinner table between my parents had turned from friendly, to serious, to silent. Everything had changed from the way it used to be. My mom told my sister and me she loved us more often than she ever had. One night, she came up to me when I was playing with my toys in the living room. She sat down beside me.  
"Hey, Mommy," I greeted her, unknowingly of her terrible condition.  
"Hey, sweetie. Mommy wants to talk to you for a second, okay?" She looked at me and I could see tears welling up in her eyes. "You know Mommy loves you more than anything, right?"  
I nodded.  
She bit her bottom lip to keep from sobbing. "Well, Mommy's going to go away for a long time, and I know we're going to miss each other. But sometimes we have to do things we don't want to."  
"Like eat broccoli?" I asked.  
"Yes, like that. I just wanted to let you know how much I love you, and that I will always love you, no matter what. And I'll always be right here, even if you can't see me." She put her index finger on my chest. By then, tears were streaming down her face. She tried to smile, but it was more of a frown.  
"Don't cry, Mommy. You will come back, right? Where are you going?" I asked sadly.  
It was getting harder for her to keep back her sobs. She thought for a minute, not knowing what to say. She finally nodded and her lip quivered. "I'm going up into the sky, sweetie. Like I said before, it will be a long time before I see you again, but I promise I'll see you. I love you." She brushed back my hair and kissed me on the forehead and held me for a minute. She never did say she was going to come back.  
I knew I was supposed to feel something, but I was a kid, and I didn't know she was going to be gone forever, so I just pondered for a moment then went back to playing with my toys. That was the last the she said to me before she passed away the next morning.  
It was almost like she knew she was going to go, and she wanted to tell me goodbye before she did.  
Now, every Christmas is kind of dull. It's gotten a lot better since then, but it's still not the same. I know she'll always be gone, but I can't stop thinking she's going to come back. My mom was as much a part of me as she was herself, and she'll always be there, but I wish she was still here in person. I don't think anyone misses her as much as I do.  
I'll go up to my dad now and then and talk to him about her, buy he always seems to turn away, like he doesn't want to hear what I have to say. Most of his replies are, "Yeah. I know. Uh-huh." And when I try to talk to my sister, she always looks like she's about to cry. I don't really know who to talk to anymore.  
Everyone says I get a lot of my persona from my mom, and my looks too. She was a very charismatic person. She could make anyone laugh or smile, even if they were at a funeral. When my mom walked into a room, it seemed like it would fill with an electric charge. I don't even think God himself could have been happier than she.  
Christmas is coming up now, and everything is like it usually is. Everyone in Ocean Shores is cheery and happy, but me. I always get sad around this time of year. My dad, my sister and I always put up a Christmas tree and exchange gifts, but we never really get too much into the festive spirit. 


End file.
